I Win! I am MAN!

Recieved by way of K, and slightly embellished:

Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such simple creatures? 

  •  Your last name stays put. 
  •  The garage is all yours. 
  •  Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
  •  Chocolate is just another snack. 
  •  You can be President. 
  •  You can never be pregnant. 
  •  You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. 
  •  You can wear NO shirt to a water park. 
  •  Car mechanics tell you the truth (well, at least sometimes)
  •  The world is your urinal. And, you never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. 
  •  You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
  •  Same work, more pay. 
  •  Wrinkles add character. 
  •  Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. 
  •  People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. 
  •  The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 
  •  New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 
  •  One mood all the time. 
  •  Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 
  •  You know stuff about tanks. (And bombs, and warplanes, and dinosaurs…) 
  •  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 
  •  You can open all your own jars.
  •  You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
  •  If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. 
  •  Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.  (Mine aren’t, but I’ve got religious reasons)
  •  Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. (I think I own more shoes than my wife does…) (edit: she informs me that I am mistaken, but that I’ve never seen half of her shoes…)
  •  You almost never have strap problems in public. 
  •  You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. 
  •  Everything on your face stays its original color. 
  •  The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 
  •  You only have to shave your face and neck. 
  •  You can play with toys all your life. (YAY!)
  •  Your belly usually hides your big hips. (No need for this here)
  •  One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. (Try one wallet since 1988, baybee!)
  •  You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. 
  •  You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. 
  •  You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.. 
  •  You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
  • You’re allowed to get dirty… expected to, actually.
  • You can eat all you want without worrying about calorie counts.

No wonder men are happier.

Gentlemen (and ladies), I invite you to expand upon this list extolling the virtues (and perhaps poking a little fun at the vices… though in a positive light) of that magnificent creature which is Man.


6 Responses to “I Win! I am MAN!”

  1. uhlrik Says:

    Because I wear a form of underwear specified by the laws of my religion as an act of symbolic devotion. Them wacky Mormons and their ways.

  2. bosantibe Says:

    I thought so, and might I say that is awesome.

    Additionally, my gratification from a coital act is virtually guaranteed once begun, huzzah!

  3. uhlrik Says:

    I’m not going to ask why. It’s none of my business.

  4. bosantibe Says:

    Simple comparative anatomy, my friend. (I really shouldn’t use “I” to denote something about men in general but I was going with the pre-established tenor of the post.)

    Damn to anonymous posting!

  5. uhlrik Says:

    Down with the anonymous!

    Ah, I was presuming that you had some specific other reason you were referencing. Yes, men do definitely have the advantage there.

  6. bosantibe Says:

    Nah, I’m not your stereotypical male, and I’m certainly not ultrastereotypical.

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