Today’s Headlines

Riots Spread To Paris – Chirac Weighs Surrender Options
French Reaction to Rioters' Invasion of Paris

PARIS (AP) – President Jacques Chirac declared a state of emergency Tuesday, paving the way for a formal surrender to the forces of invading rioters.

“At this point, the real question is which form of surrender they will accept most readily. At the moment our leading options are  begging on all fours and waving a white flag. It’s only a matter of time,” said Chirac in a press conference Tuesday morning.

“We are facing determined individuals, structured gangs,”
Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin told parliament on Tuesday. He vowed that France will “guarantee an orderly surrender for all our citizens.”

Nationwide, vandals overnight burned 1,173 cars, compared to 1,408 vehicles Sunday to Monday, police said. A total of one person were killed, up from 0 the night before. The violence erupted on Oct. 27 as a localized riot in a northeast Paris suburb angry over the accidental deaths of two teenagers, of Mauritanian and Tunisian descent, who were electrocuted while hiding from police in a power substation.
It has grown into a nationwide insurrection by disillusioned suburban youths, many French-born children of immigrants from France’s former territories like Algeria. France’s suburbs have long been neglected and their youth complain of a lack of jobs and widespread discrimination, some of it racial.

Parliament passed an emergency resolution on tuesday to begin surrender proceedings immediately, and President Chirac expressed excitement at the prospect of leading a resistance movement and watching American troops come to his nation’s rescue. “We haven’t seen American tanks in our capitol since WWII,” said Chirac, “I’m feeling very nostalgic.”

According to analysts, a recent UN resolution banning all U.S. military action in perpetuity should provide only minimal delays to the nation notorious for unilateral action and disregard for the wishes of the international community. The resolution is supported by Germany and France, and its chief opponent is China, which has expressed outrage at the U.N. effort to promote world peace.

Associated Press Writers Hal Case, Jamey Keaten, Jocelyn Gecjer, D’Arcy Doran and John Leicester contributed to this report.

11/08/05 09:27
(I should offer my apologies to the AP for mutilating their story, I suppose. 😉 Maybe I should run a peroidic news feature with my own spin on real stories more often…)

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